As a kid you should not have to worry about where to play, and where to not play. You should not have to play behind fenced in walls, you should simply be a kid. As an adult, you should not have to hide behind walls, constantly looking over your shoulders and worrying every second as to whether or not you are safe in the environment your in.
Today our group visited a domestic violence shelter in southern Florida, where all of these worries are very real. This is a place where women and possibly even men can go to in the time of need, at any time of the day. The violence they are put through can vary along the lines of verbal, choking, hitting, withholding money, and even being physically and mentally controlling. Abuse is abuse! These women are put through hell, and their children who have no voice in the hell that surrounds them.
As we arrived at this shelter, we noticed how the outside had looked run down and did not look like a safe house/shelter. Then it hit us that they needed to fit in with their safe surroundings. Our day within the shelter had consisted of doing yard work. We planted vegetables in their garden, pulled weeds, painted benches, raked leaves, trimmed hedges and even taught some of the kids how to plant onions. We gave the kids area a little TLC. The ladies that ran the shelter were beyond thankful for the little things that we had done. Then it struck me that some of these kids eat, sleep, go to school, and only make friends within these 4 walls. It completely broke my heart.
As lunch time had rolled around we went to explore Ybor city. After spending time being tourists, it was time to get back to work and head back to the shelter. The evening of service was split between two projects. Half the group spent some quality time with the children and to do arts and crafts and to just give their undivided attention. The other half did an activity with the women, during a time which they called "Group". My self along with 3 other teammates and 1 group leader headed over to spend some one-on-one time with these wonderful ladies.
I was scared! I was scared that we would scare them, and that it would be difficult for both parties. Let me tell you that it was the complete opposite. These women were beyond caring and wanting to get to know us. These ladies were so sweet and don't get me wrong, yes you have some ladies who are shy and scared, but the majority were happy to have us share in their Group.
The activity that we did with these ladies was called the magic mirror. You get a mirror and its a guided meditation with paint, glitter and much much more accessories. At first you are to write your name in a creative way, and your asked whether you like your name, who named you, what are your nicknames, etc. After that you are to come up with 2 words that people around you would use to describe you, 2 positive words that you would use to describe yourself and then 2 words as to how you would describe yourself behind closed doors that not many people would know. The last one was a way of bragging about yourself. This is where the women really began to struggle. They were never told what they were good at, never told what made them special or unique. During this time some women had even begun to cry. They had told me that they were not sure what made them special. This is where my heart was shattered. To live life till your 30, 40 or even 50, not once ever being told how special you are, how pretty, how outgoing, or that you have a purpose, is heartbreaking. I could not fathom going through what these women did, still fighting and not being sure as to what I am really fighting for.
We facilitated this magic mirror activity as a way to cultivate and affirm the wonderful quality that every victim possesses. After leaving an abusive relationship, it is crucial that survivors begin to regain their confidence and self-esteem. Positive self image has all but been destroyed in an abuse relationship. It was encouraging to see the woman actively searching and seeking hope and confidence through this activity!
The table that I had sat at was a mixture of women. We had woman from a wide range of age groups and cultural backgrounds. All these women had a story that was sure to break your heart and inspire your soul at the same time. All these ladies wanted to hear was that they were special, that they had a calling in life, that God made them unique and for something special. As I got to sit with these ladies I just kept feeling led to give praises and compliments and just to shower these women with love. Its times like this that I live for. Its moments like these that I call God moments.
The most shocking part of that activity was the moment I looked at lady who had been laughing, crying and processing deeply during the activity. I glimpsed at her arms and noticed fresh bruises, and lumps. It was that moment that I realized the magnitude of abuse and affirmed her strength. It takes just one simple compliment to boost that smile and self esteem.
As we were packing up and getting ready to leave these women were hugging us and thanking us. When in return we should have been thanking them, for in that moment of vulnerability they let us in. They trusted us... You really start to realize how precious life is in the presence of abuse survivors. As we were hugging the women, the water works started. You cry because you know that under that sweater or shirt they are wearing, there are bruises and scars that will forever tell a story, a story that no one will ever be able to understand. Leaving that shelter today, left me changed in a way that is hard to describe. I hope to be able to take what I learned today, return to my community, and reach out to those in need. I am telling you all it takes is time, and a heart opening to listening.
-Megan Alexander
